


mistakes were made

by soperiso



Category: Spider-Man (Comicverse)
Genre: Identity Reveal, M/M, Oops, Peter Parker is a Mess, Social Media, Spider-Man Identity Reveal, and johnny doesn’t know how to do damage control, pair that with peter having an onlyfans account and u get a whole shitshow, peter parker is a dumb boy, twitter ruins lives, who doesn’t know how to make good choices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25214917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soperiso/pseuds/soperiso
Summary: The phone rings once before Johnny answers, “Hey babe.”“Hey? That’s all you have to say? Hey?”“Oh. You saw the tweet.”“Yeah I saw the tweet! What the fuck, Johnny?”“Hear me out! It was necessary!”—or, peter makes an onlyfans account and shit hits the fan. twice.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Johnny Storm
Comments: 35
Kudos: 315





	mistakes were made

**Author's Note:**

> self-indulgence at its finest

Peter’s not a charity case, he’s just… making a financial choice that may involve getting practically free money from strangers.

Things are a bit tight right now, is all. JJJ is paying him even less than usual, rent got bumped up, and he needs to pay for a repair for the spidey suit after an especially gnarly battle.

So, yeah, he could use some extra cash, which is why he’s up at ten-at-night slouched over his computer and creating an OnlyFans account.

It’s a perfectly respectable thing to do in his situation. He’s not going to be posting spider-porn or anything like that. He doesn’t know what he’ll post, actually. People would probably pay to see Spider-Man do anything, even just read a book. Oh! He could do little biology lessons. That’s a great idea because he’s literally a biology teacher. Big brain boy.

After putting the final touches on his account, he gets set up to start filming. He’s not going to splurge on fancy equimptment, so his phone camera and a lamp are going to have to do. 

He feels weird talking to an inanimate object as if it was a real person but he makes it work. Adding in his usual brand of bad jokes to help ease the awkwardness of it all, he goes over a (not-so) simple biology concept and posts it. An hour later, he checks his phone to see hundreds of notifications. _That was quick,_ he thinks.

Peter gets on a posting schedule, releasing a few videos each week. He quickly amasses hundreds of thousands of followers after Tweeting about it on his Spider-Man account. It’s not verified, but people generally accept that it’s actually him.

He was right about the whole ‘I can post about literally anything and people will eat it up’ thing. He doubts anyone actually cares about biology; they just want to see his face--well, Spider-Man’s face.

Peter’s never been more liquid in his life; he’s got cash flowing out the wazoo. It’s nice, which is why something has to go wrong. The infamous Parker Luck never lets him catch a break.

The day in question starts out fine; he catches his train, doesn’t get mugged, and there’s no villainry for him to stop. 

It’s when he walks into the school that things begin to take a turn for the worse. His students are whispering, which is normally fine because they’re asshole kids but today they seem like they’re all whispering about the same thing: him. On top of that, several students whoop and whistle at him in the halls.

Something’s up.

He makes his way into his classroom, trying his best to avoid anyone and everyone. After a bit, the students start filing in.

A boy shouts, “Get it Mr. Parker!”

Peter’s head shoots up from where it was bent over various papers. “Excuse me?”

“We saw what your husband tweeted,” a girl pipes up, blushing.

“I--what?” Peter scrambles to find his phone in his messy bag.

The girl places a hand over her mouth. “You didn’t know?”

“No, I didn’t _know,_ ” Peter snaps. Oops, he really shouldn’t snap at his students. He finally finds his phone and opens up Twitter to see an alarming amount of missed notifications. Yikes. Going directly to Johnny’s Tweet, he nearly bursts a blood vessel. 

**Johnny Storm**

@thehumantorch

Yeah, me, my husband, and Spider-Man had a threesome. What about it?

Why on _Earth_ did he post that?!

“Give me a second,” he tells his students, angrily dialing Johnny’s number and stepping out into the hall.

It rings once before Johnny answers, _“Hey babe.”_

“Hey? That’s all you have to say? _Hey?_ ”

_“Oh. You saw the tweet.”_

“Yeah I saw the tweet! What the fuck, Johnny?”

_“Hear me out! It was necessary! Okay so basically I accidentally walked into the background of one of your videos in my underwear and everyone thought that I cheated on you with Spider-Man and people were getting really mad about it so I had to do some damage control!”_

“Your idea of ‘damage control’ was to tell the entire world that we had a threesome?!”

A startled student looks up at him from the water fountain. _Sorry,_ he mouths to her, pointing at his phone.

_“It was the best I could come up with! People believed it and nobody thinks you’re Spider-Man! I think I did alright!”_

“I have an entire class of teenagers making fun of me right now! Nothing about this is alright!”

Johnny pauses. _“I, ah, didn’t think about that.”_

Peter pinches the bridge of his nose. “What are we gonna do about this?”

_“I don’t think we can do anything, hon. People will stop talking about it eventually.”_

Sighing, Peter resigns himself to his fate. “Yeah, okay. You’re right. Sorry I got so mad.”

_“Lol it’s okay, sorry for making some teenagers make fun of you.”_

“Did you just… say ‘lol’ out loud?”

_“Yes.”_

“I--okay. I’ve got to go. Bye, love you.”

_“Love you too!”_

Peter hangs up, pocketing his phone and heading back into the classroom. “Sorry about that, I had to… talk to someone. Let’s do some biology, yeah?”

Getting into the lesson, he can almost forget the shitshow on the internet. Almost. 

A boy raises his hand.

“Go ahead,” Peter says.

“Is it true?”

Peter plays dumb. “What, that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell? Yeah, that’s true.”

“No, the thing about Spider-Man.”

Peter sighs. They’re all looking at him expectantly and he can’t really deny it at this point without raising a whole horde of other questions.

“Yep,” he lies, “It’s true. No more questions about it, though.”

The statement is met with a chorus of disappointed groans.

“Come on, biology is better than gossip,” he tries.

“No, it’s not.”

“Regardless, we’re not talking about this anymore. Get your textbooks out and turn to page three-hundred and ninety-four.”

__________

Peter was graced with three lovely, peaceful weeks before shit hits the fan. Again.

He’s teaching, just like last time--why do bad things always happen when he’s teaching?--and he’s just told a hilarious joke when he notices a student acting weirdly.

It’s not the ‘I have a vape pen hidden in my sleeve and I really hope you don’t notice’ type of weird. Peter’s not sure what type of weird this is, just that he doesn’t like it.

He tries to ignore it--he really does--but the kid’s barely hiding the fact that he’s doing something, which is gathering the attention of a handful of other kids.

He peeks over the boy’s shoulder as he hands out worksheets to find him watching one of _his_ OnlyFans videos. That’s not good.

“Care to tell me why you’re on your phone in the middle of class?”

The kid jumps. “Sorry, Mr. Parker! I wasn’t doing anything--just, uh…”

“Watching Spider-Man’s OnlyFans videos?”

“...Yeah. Do you steal his jokes?”

Peter frowns. “What?”

“It’s just--a minute ago, you said the same joke he did in this video.” The boy turns up the volume and rewinds the video to the point where Spider-Man does, in fact, say the exact same joke Peter said not even five minutes ago.

“Why does his voice sound like yours?” a girl asks innocently, not knowing that she just ruined Peter’s whole life.

“It, uh... doesn’t?” he stammers.

“No, it definitely does,” a boy says, “Wait! Oh my gosh, you didn’t have a threesome with your husband and Spider-Man, you _are_ Spider-Man!”

The students break out into a roar of chatter, all asking questions and sharing their own theories. 

“Nope,” Peter decides, walking out of the classroom--nay, out of the country. This is it. He’s done for.

He never should’ve made that OnlyFans account.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! feel free to leave a kudos and a comment!
> 
> come hang out with me on [tumblr!](https://soperiso.tumblr.com)


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